An Open Letter from Troma’s Lloyd Kaufman to Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un
posted in News |We here at Troma Entertainment wish to publicly express our adulation for the supreme leader, Kim Jong-Un; Great Successor, Young Master, Brilliant Comrade, founder of the first ever “K-pop” girl band in North Korea (Moranbong), and our Lil’ Kim. In light of recent events, Troma wishes to distance itself from Hollywood’s unforgivable disrespect for the Great One.
Troma stands proudly with the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and offers our sincerest apologies for this shameless, disrespectful, and tasteless terrorist film “The Interview”. Do not worry–if the film is released, our box office analysts have projected at most a 20% success ratio for the film, much like North Korea’s beloved space program.
Our political and social code stands in stark contrast to the evil imperialist lapdogs Sony Pictures, Universal Studios, Rupert Murdoch, Time Warner, and the like. Since our founding in 1974, Troma has only produced films that are of upstanding socialist values, such as ‘Surf Nazi’s Must Die’ and ‘The Toxic Avenger’ (going as far as only including its 28 state-approved haircuts for all our actors).
For 40 years The Outstanding Leader and his ancestor Gods have been the role model for Troma Entertainment. This is evidenced by the fact that we have patterned our economic strategy of “no revenue” on the North Korean economic model. Kim Jong-Un has also inspired us (like his father before him, who learned to walk and talk at the age of three weeks and wrote 1500 books in three years) with how well he treats his loyal citizens and how happy he has made them… We can say with great pride that, likewise, our employees have not asked for any pay raises and are so happy in their work that they do not ask for Christmas bonuses or overtime pay, wholeheartedly enjoying their six-day work weeks as well as their enforced “volunteer” work.
Your researchers have concluded that North Korea is the second happiest country behind China, and we want to be happy too. If the People’s Republic needs any of our private emails or passwords, we will fax them to you promptly. Any who refuse will be sent to a prison labor camp, along with their families, for three generations of punishment. We would also like to assure you and the state for the record that the dishonorable propagandists James Franco and Seth Rogen will not be cast in our upcoming film ‘The Toxic Avenger 5: Toxie Goes to Chernobyl.’ Most important, we pray that none of these recent obscenities have tainted your pure and chaste friendship with our greatest national treasure, Dennis Rodman.
ALL HAIL THE YOUNG MASTER.
Lloyd Kaufman and the Troma Team
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