30th September 2000

Spread Your Cheeks, America, & Don’t Expect Any Lube! The W.T.O. Meets in Seattle

posted in `Roids |

An Essay by Lloyd Kaufman and Richard Steele

The Class of Nukem High predicted this would happen.

No, this is not a scene from Nukem High 4, this is real life.

For that matter, the entire world might as well bend and spread, since as you read this your future is being decided for you by the Men In Black Reptilian League of Satan behind the locked doors of their temporary sanctum sanctorum in that city by the Sound, Seattle. They call themselves the World Trade Organization. What the W.T.O. (based out of Switzerland, where they don’t care if the rest of you went to soap and lampshades as long as your teeth are gold) is about is this: protecting and strengthening the positions of the power elite.

If the WTO came to Tromaville,
Toxie would kick their asses!

The W.T.O. was born five years ago, and since its unholy inception – whoopeed over by Bill “Don’t Let Him Touch You In The Bathing Suit Region” Clinton – this league of hormagaunts has gleefully ass-wiped the environment by trashing national pollution standards, encouraged slave labor in third world countries as long as it benefits multinational corporations, and aided the de-evolution of the human race towards a state of Morlock-like mutation by approving the use of hormones, steroids, and cancer-causing chemicals in the production of animal and vegetable food sources.

For such a young outfit, the W.T.O. has racked up a most impressive list of crimes, running roughshod over environmental and human rights acts by declaring them “illegal” to further their anything-for-a-buck agenda. Most people would have no quarrel with a provision of the Endangered Species Act that requires that shrimp sold in the US must be caught in a device that allows sea turtles to escape, especially considering how inexpensive the thing is. Even Troma could afford to comply with this, if we suddenly decided to start harvesting shrimp. But the W.T.O. seems to harbor some hatred toward the inoffensive turtles, since they declared it “illegal”. And you would probably assume that Tromaville is the most heavily polluted place in the union, what with drums of toxic waste littering the streets and all (you’ll see just how bad it can get in the upcoming Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger Part IV). But the Sierra Club and the EPA tell us that Texas leads the way. Under the watch of future president and current Texas state governor George W. Bush, Texas has some of the dirtiest air and water in the country. Congratulations, Texas and thank you, W.T.O.!

Terror Firmer is a great example of
the little guy fighting the Power Elite.

The W.T.O. prattles about opening wide the avenues of cultural exchange, but what sort of culture will it be? To globalize the planet to these succubi’s design, the population will need to be docile, anesthetized. To this end, they’ll be fed a steady diet of soul-numbing Hollywood pap. Anything daring or different, anything forged by love and imagination, anything with even half an idea in its head, will be deemed too dangerous, too subversive to exist. The W.T.O.’s “most favored nation” isn’t going to see truly independent movies like Terror Firmer and Citizen Toxie. Even worse, they won’t get to see the genuinely great movies coming out of countries closer to home. Brilliant work is being produced right now in Spain, Italy, Norway, Sweden, and all over the world. Once the right-wing cultural conspiracy extends their economic blacklist of independent movies around the globe, their mission will be complete.

Art is not their friend.

And it is the only way to defeat them.

While Jennifer from Terror Firmer is masturbating on a pickle,
independent artists are fighting against the Elitists.

Leave a Reply

Current Archives
Film & TV Credits Acting Resume Directing List Producing List Writing List
Sell Your Own Damn Movie! Make Your Own Damn Movie! Produce Your Own Damn Movie! Direct Your Own Damn Movie! Toxic Avenger: The Novel All I Need to Know About Filmmaking...
What IS the "Make Your Own Damn Movie" Master Class? Master Class "Lite" Master Class - Full Day Master Class - 2 Day Brochure Events 5 Disc DVD Boxset Testimonials