31st July 2003

Top Ten Movie Villains

posted in `Roids |

By Lloyd Kaufman

10. Tadanobu Asano as Kakihara in Takashi Miike’s Ichi the Killer: “The S&M and torture made me feel almost as disgusted as the time I sat through Pretty Woman.”

9. Barbra Streisand: “Truly frightening make-up effects that get more and more real as the years pass.”

8. The corrupt Mayor in The Toxic Avenger: “Fat greedy politicians as they truly are.”

7. Lloyd Kaufman in Farts of Darkness: The Making of Terror Firmer

6. Mega-conglomerate video chains: “Limiting who gets their films released.”

5. Tom Cruise and other big budget stars: “They must really hate movies because they demand mucho money to be in them!”

4. George Lucas’s newer chapters: “Even more nauseating than the originals.”

3. Adolf Hitler in Triumph of the Will: “Leni Rifenstahl is the best female horror director since Penny Marshall”

2. Noxie, the Noxious Offender in Citizen Toxie: “Chilling performance; check it out! Plus, I hear the director is quite the looker!”

1. MPAA and Jack Valenti: “Chilling! Truly Frightening! Most sadistic act of film butchering I have ever seen!”

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